No girls allowed Guys-only gatherings are back in vogue

JIM BATES / THE SEATTLE TIMES

Greg Avedesian (in visor) hosts a Wednesday-night poker game with six of his friends at his home in Seattle. They've been getting together three times a month for the past three years. From left are Aaron Lum, Avedesian, Russ Wirtz, Dave Liu, Scott Andrews and Dan Overgaag.

It's Wednesday night, just after 7, and the betting has already begun in Greg Avedesian's kitchen. He and six friends have bellied up to a white folding card table, wedged between stove and sink, and begun a four-hour game of Texas Hold 'Em. They pass the time slugging beer and exchanging good-natured insults at one another's expense.

" Expletive you, man," says Avedesian, 25, pushing a latte's worth of winnings at his friend, Scott Andrews. "You were bluffing. Were you bluffing?"

"You'll never know, expletive . Hand it over," says Andrews, 26, beaming and stacking his chips. The other men professionals in their 20s lean back in plastic patio chairs.

This particular group has been gathering for poker night once or twice a month for the past three years. The rules are always the same: There's a different host each week, buy-in is $20 and there are no girls allowed. No wives, no girlfriends, no girl friends, no female co-workers.

"It's a chance for us just to be guys, you know?" says Avedesian, a health-benefits consultant in Seattle. "We can hang out, say anything we want, just be buds."

Guys-only gatherings from informal poker nights to organized Rat Pack-esque Vegas vacations are nothing new. But after years of being out of favor, they're finding a renewed respectability among younger males and businesses anxious to market to them.

Travel agencies like I'm In! and Kayak.com

Mexico and Hawaii. Last summer, a few guys from Avedesian's poker night took their first all-male vacation together. Now they plan "to make the mancation an annual tradition," Avedesian says.

Last month, a Seattle group called "Guys Night Out" organized a steak-and-scotch dinner for men to raise money for charity. And Spike TV has successfully traded on the appeal of programming designed by guys, for guys.

Even when it seemed that fraternal orders would become extinct as their members died off, the organizations are now drawing a younger generation.

Chris Moore, 42, a Seattle businessman, and six male friends recently joined the Ballard chapter of the Fraternal Order of Eagles. One of the many reasons for joining was "a chance to hang out with the guys," Moore says.

Boys only

After male-only clubs and organizations went out of favor in the 1970s and '80s (some, such as the International Rotary Club and Lions Clubs, began accepting female members; others disbanded altogether), a cottage industry began to form around newfound "girl power." Books, party favors and board games all hit the shelves, encouraging women to form women-only groups. The girls' night out moved in just as the guys' night out moved out.

Today, all-female groups outnumber all-male groups. Dr. Warren Farrell, co-author of "Does Feminism Discriminate Against Men?" and one-time professor at the University of California and Georgetown University, says that ratio is as high as 100 female groups to every 1 male group.

Given those sorts of statistics, it's not surprising that the social pendulum is beginning to swing back, clearing the way for advertisers and a new generation of men to reclaim the guys' night out.

"The mere presence of a woman in a group of heterosexual men changes the entire energy," says Dr. Robert Glover, a Bellevue-based therapist and author of "No More Mr. Nice Guy." That happens for two reasons: First, men are biologically inclined to make themselves attractive to females, even if there is no immediate possibility of mating with her. And second, most men in our society were socialized by women, since most day-care providers and elementary-school teachers are female. "Boys learn at an early age that they need to please the women in their lives to get by," he says.

When you take out that X-factor or, rather, the XX-chromosome factor "there's suddenly no need to get approval. Men don't need to censor themselves around other men. It's freeing."

It's also therapeutic, says Dr. Farrell, who has debated men's issues on CNN News, ABC's "20/20" and "The Oprah Winfrey Show."

"Most men rely on the women in their lives for emotional support," he says. "That's good. But there are some aspects of the male experience that women can't relate to. For those things, men benefit from talking with other men."

Male bonding

That's what happens every Wednesday night at Jamie Monberg's house in Fremont: The same group of nine guys writers, artists, engineers, designers, a lawyer, spanning their late 20s to early 40s gets together to "talk about anything," says Monberg, 35. And they do so pointedly without the company of their wives, girlfriends or young children.

Most of the guys know each other through work at a design firm downtown, but a few have become friends at these weekly guys nights.

"We like to think of it as a 19th-century intellectual salon. Men getting together to debate politics and philosophy, to discuss the metaphysical underpinnings of ... " Monberg laughs "Or just guys getting together and drinking on the porch."

That's the other thing about guys' nights out: Because men and women form emotional connections differently, comparing guys' nights out and girls' nights out is like comparing apples and oranges.

"Even if men aren't leaning in, making eye contact and talking about how they feel, they're still bonding," says Glover. "You can't discount the value of that."

Tony Clarke has been a part of a men's group in Massachusetts for the past 29 years. He and eight other men, ranging in age now from their mid-40s to mid-70s, meet once a month on Sunday.

"It's become such a tapestry of my life. Just this pattern of once a month being with a group of people who trust and love," says Clarke, 56. "I couldn't even tell you what we talk about. We just catch up and eat."

Clarke falls quiet for a moment, thinking. "So what makes it special? I don't know, old friends, sharing their lives with each other what's better than that?"

Haley Edwards: 206-464-2745 or

PRE:

Day.

Erected in the central cemetery was vine plants Chanman British castle. Ladechuang castle walls were decorated, but surrounded by plants, and the sun never scored. Distant, the entire cemetery is very calm, in a large crucifix surrounded castle in the sun is very gorgeous. This cemetery for many years no one has been here, next to the grave of the Qingshi Road Gaiman dry leaves, leaf edge upward overturning, such as wrinkles up fingers. For a long time, no one here has been close, the castle is said to have 500 years of history. Graves around the crucifix, shape singular, most ramps are inserted into the ground; tombstone engraved ancient text, the same plant were also numerous haunted unclear face. Sleeping peacefully in the castle, with a hint of loneliness seems

Ladechuang Frontier is light purple and transparent screens, through the view, the window has been on the other side of plant cover; luminous body is the engine casing, dust both sides of the room bookcases and distributed a ghost light.

Room Central, a transparent rectangular crystal coffin placed in there; lying inside Ditala Prince, Qingxiu faces, the yellow hair cover the left half of the face. Has left the world 500 years, the remains of a perfectly preserved, watching him, as he is quiet Shuiqu, his face as if there vigor

Ladechuang the same room, red jujube now very flowery curtains, cover the outside world. Pentagon coffin, on both sides of a long, trilateral short, only covered the surface of the coffin is transparent. In the coffin of the man lying face Junxiu, dark-green illumination understand half of his face; Chek red hair, Deep Shuangwenpi, thick lashes. The same quiet sleep, Shuixiang innocent.

***

Recorded wrote this book had, a few decades ago night, it was after this piece of the cemetery to see a castle window in the dark yellow light

ONE:

Nights.

-- Biological sleep all the time. No, a lot of things are on nocturnal sleep. There are no fireflies cemetery, not cicadas, each sent a graveyard of the bizarre Emmanuel. Wind Youyoude bluster, blowing a dry leaf. On the walls of castles, green vine slowly dispersed, indented walls, exposed only 1:00 left exposed, covered Ladechuang day. Night - castle awake moment.

Five-sided coffin, red hair red man slowly Open your eyes and use the block Shoudang stimulated dark-green eyes, gently pushing open the coffin lid transparent

Watch on the door of every detail, traces of hands, and then take the key, cautious play Kailemen. Entering the house, the rooms and other different distributed inside a multicolored warm light. The floor is made of colorless crystal, exotic, and do not see through the downstairs floor, but the floor of the whereabouts of everyone in the reflection

Difference is that the above figures did not Rome, the disk around 13 ruby set in the above average. Dial there are two needles, Fenzhen and hands are smooth stop there.

Scorpion focused on the dial read a long time, he saw no movement watches, reveal a reassuring expression. Read paragraph spell, as disk disappeared in an instant eye. Before leaving, check the scorpion to the ground, then carefully lock the doors.

TWO:

Bars.

Zero, mongoose, ghost sharks sitting side-by-side with eyes Gouzhu past people. So busy here, full of ghastly and fear. Unwittingly, a beautiful woman sitting next to the mongoose, and he tried to close.

My older brother and I bought Cup for bars? That Jiaodia woman with the voice that sounds less important.

Mongooses no news, next to the ghost sharks Shilegan hints given. Ghost sharks get up, move to the next woman.

I Bangnimai bar, Miss, you are very beautiful. En route to the ghost sharks,

Only mongoose body shape gradually changed into a group from a group tied chaos in the Green vine; by thread Le break out of the green vine red liquid. Mongooses real woman who stood quietly in the funeral.

You deal with me, too soon? The other hand, is what you ah? Mongoose gentle half-dark tone, from the woman behind, and she was scared to tremble.

Hengheng, I was fine ah pest. Woman tried to calm the tone damaged her nervous.

I am not

Have been three games he plays the violence.

The two men next to Delaware diversion in the end, a left Friends, with hints given in the mutual communication. The right of the open man en route to:

A little brother, ah look good. Seen you before, how the past two months have not been?

Ditala expression remain in the game in the exciting, it seems that the man did not hear it.

The man left standing to maintain curry favor with the expression Baliancou come

Well tell you the truth, do not have the money loaned brother ah?

Ditala see the facial expressions, only to see the gold-coloured hair covered during the Banzhanglian appeared serious.

Weiwei! You heard no ah? Brother Gennijiang it? The right man losing patience facing Ditala large jets.

Ditala (We Prince Di

Ditala get up, stand next to one of the men. The man suddenly realized Ditala height - high, but he was not aware that Ditala to have his pockets Cypriots of the East and West.

Games hall, is the narrow streets late at night, no way. This evening Road, who has passed away, really very unfortunate. Keep a distance from the two men after a former stand Ditala near Shaqi heavy.

Today a bar to you. Arrogant Alone, it does not respect their elders. Ditala opposite the man said.

Where you play what Kua? Brother did not speak with you heard? Quick apology. Stand Ditala that is the man behind the Genban.

Sing! Shuaku do not know is a kind of art? Ah? Elders, you only live for a few years ah?

Oh, oh, I do not want you today, but the fate ah. A man.

Ditala face gently rising ramp to the right a bit, watching a man: Hengheng, but I am not thought of

Ditala disappeared from the air.

Boom! ! !

A man in the bloody bombing, the entire physical moment disappeared.

On the streets, a man B residual fear hoot. Ditala He has appeared in the funeral.

How? Good? I just gave him one of my works of art. Did you also want one ah? Ditala gently in the men s B ear said.

No

For normal people, they also spent a very calm night, but for those nocturnal, it is to stimulate blood scattered night.

Enter from the side door, the castle is illuminated in the candlelight vigil. The first floor of the hall is empty, when you, Didalazuodao in his bench. Although it has absorbed enough of the blood, but he was very tired. Since two months have not played out well; have found their magic, some slippage, their awareness must be practicing austerities.

Hey

In short, this mouse appears to be type AB.

Ditala get up, come to the tree in front, pull out the green vines and Jiuzhao rat tail brought to the mouse. Finger lightly in the face of rats drawn to a horizontal, James soiled with the blood of rats, and then on to the nose on the smell.

BINGO! Didalachi the rats go flying off in front.

I let him out. Not out contacts confusion, it will not keep pace with the extent of the outside world. Scorpion excuse.

OK, a word to the last, many nameless monster, and their strength should not be underestimated. Right, and that night one month after scorpion, Ditala, you observe at the turn. Do not forget that night. Zero said.

Scorpion and nodded

As usual, Scorpion spell activated by the entire castles, castles, and everything back to life. Tonight is the Full Moon. Shabai Moonlight always cold. Pop up around the house organ of the voice, calling the dead. White candle, a dark-Mei Lu, according to the windows into the soul, as people panic.

He approached the scorpion in the Ladechuang, red curtains opened on the verge of date, the probe Wangchuqu. Over scattered Yunfu a long unseen blood, the sky Retention fresh wounds. Exclaimed the anger, at a glance, it would be an extraordinary night - trouble. Turned around from its own coffin inside out nine silvery white swan feathers imported equipment bag and then carefully covered with a coffin lid.

Scorpion out of room, behind closed doors. Downstairs hall, it seems that everyone has a serious expression of a sitting there. From the calm in the grand staircase, candlelight shake drag, and look forward to the stimulation.

See, sitting on the sofa clean faces serious

Ditala made a confident expression, but still looks Kengdaobuan zero.

***

Ditala scorpion and the castle on the top floor, sitting on the roof, watching the bloodthirsty Ditala month. Appearance quiet night, in fact, the number of darkness was not seen.

Ditala, surrounded by good people of the wolf is not the publicity, so they found the time already late. Seriously scorpion said.

I know, Uncle. Fact, I recently invented a new art, this may be an opportunity for you to look over

Night is so dark, dark even to the purpose of the enemy, the enemy of expression have not seen. People how strong wolf in the end, the last one month after scorpion has come to understand. They will also seal other organisms so that they fluctuated between yin and yang, we did not see ri to not geographical, not peace.

Assured bar, Uncle, I can enjoy the arts, they really Ji-de Shangbeizi has. Ditala hand, has been a good pinch of the four lovely small ghost (Khan

These use the cemetery, the ghost made of clay.

Ditala tossed his art over the lip on a sharp double that, read a short spell. Instantly, the spectre of the proliferation of four clay in four directions, expanding models with open arms in the air to embrace the entire cemetery. Spectre of the poor dissemination of a singular, as the day when Ditala room light. Emmanuel lighting presence of the enemy, the enemy s face. Enemy to get closer and closer, gradually hear their bluster, sharp ears, fear.

Uncle, which I am most proud is the specter of divided light from these areas, to the souls of those calls, and later, will be more exciting. Ditala

Concentrate on fighting Kazakhstan. On to the.

Scorpion light to the activities of the fingers, a puppet in the scorpion under the command of the general flying like the wind which a person wolf haunt him. Also asked to separately under a hand puppet flying Wolves, embrace the live one. Two people caught in the wolf puppet bear, strangled them all can be fixed location. People crying wolf trying to use sharp gripper torn green vine puppet

Finally, they bend the knee, unable to support scarred body - the wolf fell on the two people on the ground.

Framework of wow! Good formidable! Did not expect them so weak. Didaladengda his sea-blue eyes.

Hengheng. Puppet, I developed the injection of highly toxic, gill enemy will be forced to absorb them, of course, they stabbed is painful, but the absorption of this drug will be paralysis, so they will not leave the pain this world. said the scorpion very professional.

Ditala the hands of the art has been completed, the four high against the small mouse by the tail, he put them down Paoqu. With four rats Ditala spell instructions, such as the skull becomes general size, respectively fall in the face of four wolf

Ditala nodded, as long as there are clear biological areas, there will be war.

People crying wolf again Howl, gill heart sounds penetrate the soul of a transparent If it is human, I heard this voice will be like-minded may like Ditala instantaneous explosion of art, or the art of like scorpion, the eternal parked in fear at this moment. If human beings really hear such Howl, perhaps, it would be the last they heard his voice.

Howl sound stopped, the first 11 individuals Yangqi wolf as a scorpion and the Ditala; blood mouth open, and a purple mist Penghu, the sky diffuse

This bloody night gone to get Dawn knows. All in the cemetery and restore calm, soil absorption body of the wolf people, the satisfaction of calm. Castles on top of two little tired, after all, very invested in the fighting, a lot of physical consumption.

Hey, Ditala, we go back to it now safe. Chek red hair hidden in the tone of indifference man.

Oh, ah

The best of the fight, Heng Heng, it does not need our support! Ghost sharks sitting in the corner said that this sentence how sounds are a bit damaged. Ditala ah, you really do not care?

Molemo Ditala and bruising on his neck, he has adopted a You have to facial expressions.

Scorpion into the aisle in the corner of the first floor of a room, opened in Phnom Penh and top drawer and take a roll of pure white gauze; collating drawer calm come hall, the gauze throwing Ditala